– Comparison is the Thief of Joy
– Be Your Authentic Self
– Lift Other Women (all people really!) UP!
COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY
Most likely you’ve heard that saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s true, when we compare ourselves to others the “grass is always greener” and we are comparing “apples to oranges” because no two people are the same or have the same life. And now, with things like social media, the comparison game is getting bigger and more intense.
As women, we feel we should work full-time, yet be extremely involved and present with our kids, we should cook everything from scratch with organic ingredients, our kids should be in all the extracurriculars plus tutoring and we need to bring them to it all, we need to be fit and have our hair and makeup done up every day, we shouldn’t have wrinkles, our houses should be clean and tidy at all times, and we should do this all with a loving smile on our faces. And let’s not forget, we should all be entrepreneurs, hustling and working for ourselves in a job that “brings us joy” and doesn’t actually feel like work because we love it so much…
The TRUTH?
When you see someone “hustling” and living the dream while working for themselves, you might be surprised that they actually aren’t making much money! I know several entrepreneurs who appear to be making it big from how they present themselves and their business, but I personally know they are making little to nothing, and it’s only because of their spouses and money they got from family that they are able to do what they are doing. And great for them that they can! I am truly happy for them, yet it gives others a false sense of reality, especially when they start preaching things like:
- Find work you LOVE!
- Quit your job and follow your passion! It worked for me!
- Hustle and you will have the life you WANT!
- You can create the life you want if you work for yourself!
- LOOK at ALL I do as a mom and “business-owner” and how in-shape and amazing I am.
Even for those entrepreneurs who are killing it and making great money and doing something they love; you aren’t always seeing the journey they had to take to get there, the sacrifices they made, the struggles they face, the long hours they have to put in. The emotional turmoil they face as business ebbs.
Personally I would not have been able to start my personal training business if it weren’t for my (at the time) spouse. I was fortunate to not have to make much money, although I would hit years around $50,000, I also his some in the $10,000’s, especially when I had to give clients away to take care of my daughter who had to be at Children’s hospital weekly (sometimes twice per week) for more than 6 months after she was born.
Even now, although I have been a personal trainer for 10 years I still do other side jobs to help make an income I feel good about! That’s partiallly because, as a single mom, I have limited hours I can see clients AND I am solely responsible for the household income so want to make more than I used to.
In addition to personal training I do Digital Marketing for small businesses and I even board dogs (which the kids absolutely love and it keeps me going outside for walks even in the cold, which is great for me!). It’s not always pretty, but going from a part-time trainer and full time mom to a single mom, I’ve had to make some shifts.
The LOOKS:
Every day we are presented with perfect looking women with seemingly perfect skin, a perfect body, and a perfect family. Have you seen some of those makeup transformations?! I mean, they are completely different people with and without makeup! Do you know that they may actually fight constantly with their spouse? Their “perfect body” might be a mix of genetics and a slight eating disorder? The botox and filler is starting younger and younger in women. And, of course the filters!
I’m not judging these women. To each their own! All I’m saying is we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others because we are not them and we don’t have to try to be them. We are all perfectly imperfect in our own ways. We don’t have to be flawless. We don’t have to be rich. We don’t have to be a perfect mom. We don’t have to have it all together all the time.
The Reality
Your reality is different from my reality, which is different from other people’s realties. Instead of comparing ourselves and judging ourselves next to others, we should look inside and compare ourselves only to ourselves. Think:
- Where was I 2 yeas ago? Am I in a better place?
- What can I do to improve MY health & wellness?
- How is my mental health? Where can I make improvements and how?
- Am I happy? If not, what changes can I make to work towards happiness?
- CELEBRATE YOUR WINS & SUCCESSES
- APPLAUD YOURSELF WHEN YOU TRY SOMETHING NEW
- APPRECIATE YOUR BODY FOR WHAT IT’S CAPABLE OF, NOT JUST HOW IT LOOKS
- ARE YOU DOING THINGS THAT BRING YOU JOY? (coffee with a friend, a hike, creating something…)
- WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? DO MORE OF THAT!
- WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
Also, if you are following someone on social media who just doesn’t make you feel good about yourself…STOP following them! If you find yourself endlessly scrolling and this is messing with your mental health and confidence, LIMIT your social media or cancel it all together.
Whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to Susie next door or that influencer on Instagram. YOU are a different person with different circumstances AND you don’t see what happens behind close doors in other people’s lives. YOU ARE AMAZING and you are WORHTY of HAPPINESS.
Be Your Authentic Self
With ALL that being said about the falseness, skewed reality and filtered lives we see on social media, I want to remind you to Be Your Authentic Self!
Being your true authentic self means what you say in life aligns with your actions. Your authentic self goes beyond what you do for a living, what possessions you own, or who you are to someone (mom, brother, girlfriend). It is who you are at your deepest core. It is about being true to yourself through your thoughts, words, and actions, and having these three areas match each other. When we aren’t in touch with our authentic self, it’s easy to go into “people pleasing” mode and do and say things based off of what is expected of us, or based off of social and peer pressure.
You don’t have to fit a specific mold that society or “social” tells you that you should. You don’t have to have perfect cheek bones or 6-pack abs. You don’t have to work full time, be the Pinterest perfect mom and have a magazine ready home. We are human and we are flawed. I always tell my kids that we are all imperfectly perfect, because we were made the way we are and although nobody is perfect, we are exactly how we are meant to be.
When you learn how to be real and authentic, you create genuine relationships. You express yourself honestly, and therefore, attract like-minded people who support you, for who you really are.
Lift Other Woman (and people) UP!
Along with not comparing yourself to others, try not to compare others to you in a sense of judging them. It’s really easy to come to a quick judgemental conclusion when you hear a mom angrily scold a child for something that might seem minor; however, what we don’t know is:
- Maybe that kid has been pushing boundaries ALL day and this was the straw that broke the mamma’s back
- Maybe that mom has been solo parenting for weeks while husband travels and she’s sleep-deprived and at wits-end.
- Maybe mom just got some really bad news or lost her job or is just having a hopeless day
So, instead of coming at someone with judgment approach the situation with curiosity. This way you will be able to put the judgement away and might be able to connect to the person (because maybe you’ve been there before too!) or at the very least it gives that person some grace.
Maybe Susie next door is always looking a bit of a mess and initially you want to tell her, “get your shit together and throw on some makeup girl!” But, perhaps her appearance just isn’t her priority and maybe she’s a high-level executive who loves her job, is an amazing mom, and the type of friend that will be there within minutes when you need her.
Perhaps we get a little jealous of someone who does appear to be killing it in life and therefore start pointing out all their flaws and getting judgmental about every move the make. This ties in with the comparing ourselves to them. If we don’t compare, we can eliminate the jealousy AND we can be HAPPY for them for what they are accomplishing.
Instead of letting that jealous bug get you, remind yourself of all the wonderful things your life is full of (practice gratitude) and start applauding other women for what they are doing. Tell Susie congratulations on her new promotion. Tell the “Pinterest mom” that her handmade Valentines were so cool and your kids loved them. Cheers your girl when you hear she and her family are going on a month-long European vacation. Be happy for others, lift them up and when someone is doing something pretty darn cool, let them know how amazing you think they are. Spread the kindness!
To anyone reading this, I think you’re awesome for taking the time to read this and I truly appreciate you. I hope you are having an awesome day and I hope amazing things lie ahead for you.
Here are some more great tips for finding more happiness!
And don’t forget, everyday you can take small steps to become a Stronger You!